Thursday, April 30, 2009

Quote Blast

Like a poem poorly written
We are verses out of rhythm
Couplets out of rhyme
In syncopated time
Lost in the dangling conversation
And the superficial sighs
Are the borders of our lives

- Simon & Garfunkel, The Dangling Conversation

The best description of my life right now!

-> SJ

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

"The strong cold current of air feels so nice as it hits my face and body. The tail of my shirt flapping and moving as the strong currents of air bully it around. i close my eyes, spread my arms wide and tilt my head up as i feel the wind hit my body. I dont mind the coldness as i'm accustomed to cold, with eveything in my life being so cold that ice would feel like fire in comparison. I open my eyes and stare at the sky"

--

"I look down.

Its a 5 storey drop to the ground. I wonder what it would feel like to have the wind whistling in my ears. What it would feel like to be oblivious to existence and creation? Would it be nice not to have any regrets or disappointments?"

--

These is a excerpts from a previous post (originally posted on another of my blogs). I often wonder what is it like to live on the edge. U ask, "On the edge of what?" On the edge of life and death my friend. To live on the edge of danger, knowing full well that life could end at any moment.

What would one think? Is there any protocol to be followed? If there is, is it hard-wired into our DNA? Do we think of our life and what we have done in it or with it? Do we think of and fear judgment day? Do we analyze our deeds and try to guess if we'll goto heaven or hell? Do we think of those people we'll hurt by leaping to our death?

The only people who can tell us have sadly gone to the world beyond. The only way left to us is to experiment. But standing at the edge without any motive would actually not trigger those thoughts. So we remain at a loss. We still don't know what we'll think.

Would our whole life actually flash before our eyes at the time of death? Come on!! how can so many years of experiences, thoughts and feeling actually flash before us in those moments just before death releases us. I think thats bullshit.

I think at the time of death we'd mostly be thinking if we made the right decision, if we could have avoided an abrupt end to realisation. After all, the limited senses of people allows them to remember and understand only one life at a time (provided there are multiple lives). So to them any escape from existence is frightening because the human body knows just one existence. To us the thought of oblivion or the lack of awarness of creation, or existence or feelings or emotions is very frightening as these are the things that rule us. This is why we're afraid of death.

But still the question of what we would think at the time of death or at the edge when we know death is a real or eminent possibility, remains unanswered. Would we think of lost opporunities? Would an enternal pessimist think optimistically and regret his loss of opportunities?

We know we are biological machines. Death just signifies the end of all chemical reactions in our bodies. So why make such a big deal out of it? Why think so much of what will happen after death or think so much just before it? It might just be a reaction of the mind in a last attempt at preventing the permanent shutting down of the body? Is that why fear of death is hard-wired into us? I think this is probably the most plausible explanation possible at this time.

So to prevent the body, and thereby itself, from destruction, the mind likes to thinks of reason why life would be more preferable.

-> SJ
The strong cold current of air feels so nice as it hits my face and body. The tail of my shirt flapping and moving as the strong currents of air bully it around. i close my eyes, spread my arms wide and tilt my head up as i feel the wind hit my body. I dont mind the coldness as i'm accustomed to cold, with eveything in my life being so cold that ice would feel like fire in comparison. I open my eyes and stare at the sky:

Is there someone looking after us?
Is there a god up there who decides how our life would fare and what our destiny would be?

Is this my destiny? to stand up here at the edge of the terrace and wonder about my wintery life. I feel like screaming out: "Have you not tired as yet? Have I not entertained thee enough in 22 yrs or Is there anything more in store for me?"

I look down.

Its a 5 storey drop to the ground. I wonder what it would feel like to have the wind whistling in my ears. What it would feel like to be oblivious to existence and creation? Would it be nice not to have any regrets or disappointments?

I wud be at peace. I wud be alone.

But that wudn't be much of a difference from now. I'm alone even now when i'm alive, when i live amongst a nonsensical, whimsical and hypocritical race called Humans. Yes, i'm alone now. However much i try to make a difference. However much i try to be good and touch the heart of others and make true friends, somewhere along the line, even the closest of friends break my trust and belief and leave me alone. They make me realise that companionship, belief, trust, loyalty etc.. are just things belonging to fiction and movies. They don't really exist in the world. A world in which there are so many people that it wud be extremely difficult to actually exist alone, and yet here i am, my lonesome self, with not a soul who would turn and notice my absence.

I guess there has to be someone like me, so that god could compare and tell other people "be thankful, ur life isn't as bad as his".

->SJ