Sunday, June 15, 2008

I wish i could be myself. I see other people and i see that they are so free. That they are so happy. Always happy and enjoying themselves. They are always going places, and exploring things and experiencing new things. They always hang out with people and drink and have fun.

I wish i could be free. I wish i could do whatever i want at whatever time i want. Like, right now i wish i could go to office and sit on the terrace with a cold drink in my hand and stare at the lights of the city with 2-3 friends and just chill till the sun rises. But however much i wud like to do that i can't, coz i'm bound with the shackles of what society and other people (incl my family) would think to be alarmingly indisciplined and bad behaviour.

As a result of my upbringing i have fallen into the dirty habit of thinking things multiple times before i actually do them and then disappointing myself further. I somehow always end up keeping myself from being happy.


Saturday, June 7, 2008

On Tuesday i returned from my short trip to Bangalore. I was perfectly fine and in the 'Pinkest' of healths. It all started the next day.. Wednesday morning i woke up feeling weak and feverish. I couldn't work properly, i couldn't concentrate on anything. I went to the doctor, got a couple of medicines and came home. Thursday came with extreme weaknes... i took leave and spent the whole day at home watching 'That 70s Show' and sleeping. Friday morning i did feel a little better. I went to office and visited the Doctor again. He prescribed some medicines and asked me get a Liver Function Test done. I got the test done and everything came back normal but my body is still not normal. I still do feel a slight fever but not as much as before.. and i have more strength than i had on Friday. But my problem is that it is not back to 'NORMAL'. I wish there some genius doctor around who take a look at you and figure out what the problem is. He would prescibe a couple of medicines and you would become normal again.

I had such resistance in my body. For one year in this god forsaken city i have taken a lot of chances and have prevailed but i do not know what it is that i did or did not do that i fell ill se fast after i came back. Or maybe god is punishing me for doing/not doing somethin.

I just hope i can go back to feeling NORMAL asap.... Sigh