Saturday, March 29, 2008

Adieu dear friend!!

A farewell to a Colleague/Friend

I first met Niru in mid-june 2007 when i appeared for the interviews for shaw We got talking and spoke about movies. Both of us had just finished our graduation and were appearing for interviews.

After then, i came to Hyderabad and learnt that she was gonna join us in August. Soon she joined. At that time no one realised how life would change for so many people as we incorporated a bubbly, spirited, funny, extremely creative, witty, and not to forget mischievious Niru into our lives.

I know i havent worked very closely with you Niru, but it was an awesome time having you around and enjoying the spam mails from other's comps and spamming from your comp too (if you remember your first exposure to spam)

Our meeting up in Bangalore and surprising you on your birthday and ofcourse our trip to Rushikonda was the icing on the cake!! It was a nice 8 months and was a pleasure getting know you Niru. Cheers to all the good times.

Shaw would just not seem the same with out you, and your bubbly self. Niru we are all gonna miss you terribly and not to forget miss your spam!! ;)

Niru, have a great life ahead, may you prosper in everything that you do!

All the Best Niru. :)

A New Lesson Learnt

Its normal to see a person, who is quite old and has lived for a long time and has already built his life, established his work and achieved a certain level; his life fall apart into pieces when all he can do is stand and witness his yrs of hard work get crushed. What is abnormal is seeing a person's life fall apart, who is young and has not done anything significant in life to fall apart.

Surprised? yes pretty surprising.

Today made me realise that my life is infact topsy turvy and everything is just clearly falling apart and breaking into a million pieces. I can't even understand why its happening and thus cant do any damage control.

Everything that i have stood for and is a core part of me seems to stop existing. I value integrity the most but it seems to me that no one in this world actually thinks that i have integrity. To me integrity is the most important thing. A person without integrity is a hollow person.

I value friendship and have always tried to make new friends and get close to them, but it seems that in my 9 months in hyderabad, forget that, in my nearly 23yrs of existence i have not made any friends who i can actually call friends for life. I have always wanted to get close to people and to help them and to build enuff trust and enuff depth in the friendship such that it means sumthn for both the people involved: me and the other person. I saw the actual nature of my life in great depth today. Everyone has someone or the other who trusted them, liked to hang out, talk and spend time with and wanted them to be around, while i was just hanging in thin air floating from here to there. I realised that in my 9 months in Hyd i had not gotten close to a single person while everybody had become close to someone or the other. Its either me or the world has some force which oppposes me. It can't be the world coz everyone has someone or the other, and i don't think its me coz i like helping and talking to people but then again it could be that i dont let anyone get close to me. And its not like i haven't gotten close to friends before, i have but in the end everything dissipates into shocked oblivion. Don't ask me why it happens, i wish i had an answer. Maybe i aint fun enuff, maybe coz i dont talk a lot but hey silence has its own voice.

Today i saw people who were really close and free in their friendship and were enjoying themselves, people who have managed to leave a deep mark on eachother, somethin they will remember for the rest of their lives, but where was i? Was i amongst them? Was i somewhere else leaving my mark on someone? nope, i was floating in between trying to find a place where i would actually fit in, but there was no space for another person to fit in. I always try to leave a mark on all of my friends so that they can remember me. One never dies as long as one has someone thinking about him. But for that you need people to think about you.

You'd probably wonder if i haven't tried enuff, but trust me when i say i have tried. I've tried a lot more than anyone else and now i'm on the verge of giving up the only pursuit i have left in this excuse called my life. I can not explain how much i have tried and can not get you to understand how hard i have tried so don't even start trying to think about it as you can never put urself into my shoes and see life the way i see it.

Its been a continuous record that i've seen in 23yrs, even the person i wanted to get closest to in college always managed to forget me all the time and I can see a gap slowly forming even with the other friends i've made, as life takes us all in different directions.

I guess it must be sumthn to do with me as everyone else seems to be normal. It must be me and my attitude that keeps everyone else at bay. When i came here i thought that this was changing and maybe i had a better future. I tried to keep hopes as high as i could but yesterday opened my eyes up and i no longer can i keep living in false hope and wishfull thinking hoping that life would become better one day and that it would actually go in my favour. I know by now that it is not to happen.

When i came to Hyd, i thought i had had a new beginning, a new way at looking at life and i had vowed that i would be fun and positive and not give up hope, not stop fighting against my stars but alas, life is much stronger than i, and now i concede defeat.

Life you win, after all our battles i'm tired of fighting and losing everytime. I shall not fight you again.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

An update on last week: it was a good week altogether. Not too bad with a low work load and it was quite restful. My weekend just flew by as it always does, but this time it seemed faster than before.

Anyhow, a good amount of time was spent in office, over the weekend, trying to fill my time sheet with just enuff hours to save my ass from a royal screwing. Apart from that on Saturday i went with some friends to watch Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Saw it on the bigger screem: IMAX. Its a mordern day musical which turned out to be a enthralling and captivating movie.. the direction and the screenplay was amazing and Mr. Depp has done a great job indeed, in portraying the character to perfection.

I saw another movie called People Vs Larry C. Flynt. This is an old movie and based on the true story of the Mr Flynt the owner of Hustler Magazines. It was another really well protrayed film showing how a small kid from a very poor background became a millionaire and how he stood up for his rights, even if it meant going to prison.

--> SJ

Thursday, March 13, 2008

1st as promised an update on the week: Its going smooth so far. Still got 2 more days to go, so keep your fingers crossed.

Its been 2 days now since i've felt like writing something. I really want to write another interesting post. I have the idea in my head but i'm finding next to impossible to convert it into words. No 1 idea stays still long enuff for me to build something on. I guess there is still a lot of incomplete mysteries in my head. Lots of stuff i could eventually write about but i think i gotta sort through them yet.

I dont understand why i'm finding it difficult to express myself, its always come naturally to me. Must be coz of lack of practice.

Anyways, its like 3.35 AM now. i guess i better sleep, gotta reach office early tomo.

So its adieu for now..

gnite... sweet dreams..

--> SJ

Monday, March 10, 2008

Today Evening was a very nostalgic and sad evening as i reminisced about a very important part of my life that i lost touch with in January. I reminisced about what life could have been and what life could become.

I do not know why after more than 2 months, all of a sudden, i feel nostalgic, but i know this much that the nostalgia comes from the bottom of my heart. @ my frns -> I think this clue is enuff for you guys to understand.

Anyways, Why life turned out this way is unknown. How life could become is yet to be seen. It would definitely become something if i could get off my ass and actually start working towards making my life into something, but i've been infected by a chronic and possibly fatal virus called the Lethargic Virus. It attacks a person's body by making him lazy. It makes the person so lazy that he/she spoil bungle up their life enough to commit suicide. Don't be hasty in smiling, i've diagnosed this virus in its early stages and am quite sure that i can be cured. Yes... i know... Damn !!

Anyways, a new week has begun, meaning new goals to reach and look for new things ro do. Hopefully i shall be busy enuff to not think about distractions like today and concentrate on work and other more important issues.

I'll let u know how this week turns in a later issue..

Have a good week ahead...


I hope the turning point of my life is this week. Coz then i wudnt have anything to worry about.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

A Trip Called Rushikonda

The music played and the beats touched everyone. She looked at her lover and threatened 'if you refuse.. i will conquer you, consume u and make u a part of me'.

The music played as the waves crashed ashore. Each wave carrying a different beat. The natural orchestra masterly plays with the notes, denoting a superbly composed tune as the sea calls to her lover, the land, threatening to conquer/consume it if it refuses to give in.

In the dead of nite, standing at the beach, at the edge of the water, seeng the forthy waves break as they hit the shore, you get a sense of peace and belonging as the atmosphere and ambiance acts like a thinking cap generating a sense of thoughtfulness. There is absolutely no activity around you or rather no VISIBLE activity around you except for the sea. It truly feels like the sea is clammering to get onto the land and consume every small inch as you Watch the waves frothing with madness rush onto the beach and then see the water retreat or flow back into the sea at a pace faster than they rushed onto the land. The sea seems to be alive, it desperate to get ashore but as it climbs up on the beach it suddenly realises that it needs the sea to stay alive.

The dark black sky blends into the black sea making it endless. You feel so small and intimidated by the scene. As you stand all alone surrounded by this enormous black entity. My 2nd trip to the beach was really memorable. With excellent company this trip is one of the unforgetable experiences till now. We set out from Hyd on Fri nite. Celebrating a brithday on the bus we reached Vizag around 9 am.

Vizag started to prove scenic from the beginning. with eastern ghats and the sea in the background, i fell in love with the place at once. We stayed at the AP Tourism resort. It has been built on the side of a hill overlooking the sea. Climbing down a few flights of staircase leads rite to the beach which has a number of attractions like 'kayaking', 'sailing', boat rides and ofcourse the water, which is surprisingly clean. We could see the bottom of the sea, so clear the water is.

It was a much needed break from the daily rigmarole and it also rekindled my love for travelling and photography. All in all it was a superb trip to an exotic place with mind blowing scenary. From one end of the resort to the other, our eyes feasted on picturesque views of either the hills or the beach and the sea.

Who am I?

Written back in 2005 ... this is my favourite post and I try to put it on all my blogs if i can.


Ever had the feeling of not knowing what u r supposed to do in life..

ever felt lost - not knowing how to occupy ur time or what to do that will attract ur interest completely..

ever felt as if there is no one in this world who actually wants to stay in touch or interact with u..

ever had the feeling that no matter how much u try to make a difference u can never touch peoples' lives in that special way u have always wanted to..

ever felt that Goo Goo Dolls' song "iris" matches so much with ur feelings that it touches ur heart instantly...

" And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am "

- for all those lost in the maze of life
- for all those disillusioned by the hypocrisy of this world
- for all those who don't know who the hell they are