Thursday, March 19, 2009

Today it finally hit me that my life takes yet another turn. I have to head back towards home. A place where i grew up. A place which i call home, yet home as its own frightening connotations.

For nearly 5 years now i have been living away from home and i have come to love and respect this city inspite of all its wierd recent downward trends. I've going to miss my friends here. I'm going to miss the activity in this city. Bangalore is so alive, it might pose to be dead at night but behind that screen its an active city. Its a city of diversity. Its a multi-faceted city with an open and active culture. Even though there is a recession its still manages to jump up. People here are so exciting, they are so active and they want to live life and enjoy. There are so many places to go and so many things to do here. I instantly connected with this city. Within a short span of time I fell in love with this city. Oh i'm gonna miss this city.

I've been living away alone here and have learnt more in these 5 years than i learnt in the 19 years i spent at "home". I've learnt to manage my life in my own way and have gotten used to living alone. I've been away from all the various problems that "home" brings and i've been glad about it. But now going back and diving straight into a bottomless pit frightens me. Going back to a city I already know, a city which i'm a little fed up of is definitely not appealing.

Today once again I was introduced to the various problems at home and it saddened me that it'll restrict me so much. Facing the problems there is something i dont want to. I'd rather run away from there and start afresh. Living again with family and listening to the daily ramblings is the last thing i want or need, ever!

I've become so used to keeping my own company that now i can't stand seeing people all the time, after a point i want to be alone. But "home" ensures that i'll never be alone. There always be someone diving into my life and asking 1001 and questions to which i'll have no choice but to answer. I dont like having no choices. I dont like other people having even the slightest control over me. I like living alone and I like making my own decisions. I'm afraid i'll become dependant again!

Will I still get to do whatever i want? Will I still get to take off in the middle of the night? Will I still get to do those unpredictable things?

But whatever I say, home is still home.

-> SJ


  1. Hi Sushant, Got here from umang's blog. How have been dear ? I wish I did a visit or two in between here in bangalore. Got too busy with myself. I am so sorry. Keep in touch. Enjoy your stay at home, and I am sure the cosy old environment would bring back some great things out of you!

  2. A post from Ratul.. he couldn't post directly so i'm doing it for him. He says:-

    hey Sushant, wish I could be back in cal too,but with the lack of plans that I have for after college, perhaps I will be soon dwelling in Rowland Rd as well.
    I must say that a city like Calcutta ( and even a country like India) does inspire much thought and creativity. If you had the time I'm sure there's a lot you could too. Have you ever thought about taking a camera around calcutta for example. From rooftops, street corners, gullies and just about anywhere there is a picture to be captures and a vivid story to be told. Besides that I feel like there are a good amount of NGOs and social, political, artistic and environmental projects that one could easily get involved with. I don't know what your current situation is or how much time you really have at your leisure but I honestly think that you are in a good place !
    well chap take care
    hope we can have a meaningful discussion sometime soon, Titu's side comments and vulgar jokes on the side wouldn't be too bad either



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